How too many thoughts ruin headlines (Headline writing course part 2) Posted by Sean D'Souza on 09 April 2010

So how do you confuse a reader? Hey, it’s really easy. You remember what we did in part 1? We put in a clear target, and then we added a specific, right? Well, two’s company. Three’s just chaos. You’re about to find out how to systematically create chaos. So that when you do you can chop, change and get yourself the headline that you really want.

This is part 2 of an 9-part series on writing perfect headlines by the author of "The Secret Life of Testimonials." Find out more about the book and order "The Secret Life of Testimonials" now. Further 'lessons' will be published over the next eight weeks.

Let’s say I told you to go down to the supermarket. And I gave you directions.

Take the first left, and then take a right at the fifth corner. After which you take a u-turn at the traffic lights. But don’t miss the right hand turn, which you’ll see right after the roundabout.

Huh?

What just went on there, you wonder...

You see I confused you on purpose. And you knew that. But most of the time, you’re not seeking to confuse customers with your headlines. And yet, time and again, you end up writing headlines that seem to confuse the heck out of everyone.

What’s worse is that you CAN fix the headline in a flash.
If you knew what to do, that is.

So let’s cut the chatter, shall we? Let’s look at why most headlines are confusing. And headlines are confusing, simply because we confuse the thoughts.

Huh, what do thoughts have to do with headlines?

Ok, so why were you confused when I gave you directions in the first paragraph? Yes, there were way too many thoughts involved. So while your brain was trying to hold onto one thought, the second thought stomped in, quickly followed by the third and fourth.

So let’s look at a confusing headline shall we?

Example: Is your personal services business struggling to find enough new clients because you are making these classic mistakes with your best clients?

So how many thoughts did you detect in the line above? Let’s see.

Thought 1: Struggling to find enough new clients.
Thought 2: Making classic mistakes with your clients.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

Now let’s separate these thoughts and rewrite them.

Headline 1: Are you struggling to find new consulting clients?
Headline 2: Are you making these classic mistakes with your clients?

But, but, but you say...

Because what I’ve effectively done is treated the concept as two headlines, when in fact the writer wanted to write one headline - and convey the exact thoughts above. So how do we use both thoughts without losing the gist of the concept? Why, that’s easy. You don’t write it all in one headline.

That’s the biggest reason why you have sub-headlines.

I’ll say it again. That’s why you have sub-headlines. So yeah, if you’re that peachy keen to get the very same thought in the headline you just go choppity chop, and split the headline down the center!

And here’s what you’ll get:

Are you struggling to find new consulting clients?
(How to avoid making these classic mistakes when prospecting.)

See what just happened above?

We took two mangled thoughts, and separated them. We bathed them, freshened the thoughts up a bit, and re-presented it without any confusion. Confusion that begins once you start exceeding 14-16 words. Or to put it another way, your headlines shouldn’t exceed 14-16 words.

Come to think of it, none of your lines should exceed 14 words.

Why? Because a line represents a thought. And when you write a line that exceeds 14 words, guess what happens? Yes, another thought sneaks in through the cracks. Before you know it, a couple or even a trio of thoughts have taken residence. And then your brain feels like a grocery list you can’t remember.

Imagine having a page, full of grocery lists you can’t remember.

You’re trying to get an idea across, but your client reading the information is inundated with multiple thoughts. And instantly, their brain starts going into shut-down mode. This of course, is the last thing you want.

And we haven’t even taken the visual aspect into consideration.

We are visual creatures. When we see too much, our brain presses the ‘exit, exit’ button and wants to get out in a massive hurry. The longer, denser, and more clumped your headlines, lines, and paragraphs turn out to be, the less it’s going to get read.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not suggesting that you write less. What I’m suggesting is that you do the following:

a) Keep your headlines (and lines) focused on one thought.
b) Keep your lines visually short. It helps readability.
c) Keep adequate spacing between your paragraphs to avoid overload.

This simple act of brevity causes your reader to focus on what you really want to tell them. Don’t get intimidated with length or lack of length of your headline.

Concentrate on the power of the thought.
Um...one, one thought will do just fine!

Closing note: Thoughts are important. In the first part of this course, we realized that the topic was way too vast, and the specifics just didn’t seem to exist. Well in this part, you see quite the opposite. The topic is not that vast, but there are so many thoughts that not only are you, the writer confused, but the reader is totally confused. And there you have it. You can have too little. You can have too much. It can be too vast without specifics. It can be so specific that it’s confusion confounded.

Ok, so we’ve dealt with thoughts. But are there other components to headlines? You bet there are. For instance, there’s the factor of curiosity. And curiosity is one of a headline’s greatest allies. So how do we make a headline super-curious in a millisecond? Find out in next week's lesson.

This is part two of an 9-part series on writing perfect headlines by the author of "The Secret Life of Testimonials". Find out more about Sean's book "The Secret Life of Testimonials" and order your copy now.

Read:
Part 1: How to write near-perfect headlines in minutes
Part 3: How to create intensely powerful headlines
Part 4: Why being specific is critical for headlines
Part 5: How to avoid pot luck headlines
Part 6: How to construct headlines
Part 7: Testimonials as headlines
Part 8: How to make your email signature a headline - and where to use it
Part 9: Round-up of Sean D'Souza's headline writing course